I’m having a real hard time with my son growing up (he’s 10 going on 16!) You obviously know that it’s going to happen but you don’t really notice it happening until one day it hits you. Being a single mum I’ve just been so busy trying to juggle everything alone. But when I do stop and think about our journey together tears come to my eyes. For we have had the most fun times. Some would say he’s been spoilt as I mention in a previous post. Yes he has with days out, experiences and holidays. But amongst all the stress and hard work of being a parent I believe these moments are the little rewards. Quality time together making memories.
I couldn’t wait for the summer holidays… I got my diary and pen and set to making lots of plans for us. I joined the National Trust as well for some outdoor time in some beautiful spots close to us. We were going on holiday to Cyprus too which I couldn’t wait for. Amongst this I planned a trip to the zoo, cinema and other things.
When I excitedly produced my diary and shared my plans they were met with face pulling and ‘I don’t want to do that’. Well ‘what do you want to do son?’ ‘I just want to hang out with my mates’ and just like that I was binned… on the occasions I dragged him out I put up with constant asking ‘what time we going back?’ I felt I had lost my little friend. He even told me I should have another baby!!
On holiday he made new friends (which was lovely to see) but in turn I was left a bit bored and alone. It’s funny because there were days when I prayed to read a book in peace for longer than five minutes on a sun-bed! At meal times he often finished before me and raced back to his new friends excitedly leaving me nursing a glass of red alone, ha ha! He did come and find me to sign for whatever he was ordering for him and sometimes his friends at our hotel of course…
I spent a few days getting all emotional reminiscing about days gone by… asking myself where time had gone? As a parent each stage so far has been different and come with its own challenges but I realise now how special those younger years were. I shouldn’t say it but they were my favourite. The years when you are literally their world, everything is new, magical and exciting to them. Probably from age two to maybe five.
So in my emotional state I wrote a poem for my son… really just to try and express my own feelings at a time when I’m feeling rather redundant. I thought I would share it here too as maybe some others can relate?
It’s back to school soon for you son
I will miss our summer fun
Your growing up so fast
It’s plain to see
That you don’t want to hang out with silly old me
I wish for the days when we played in the sand
When you skipped along holding my hand
The hours in the farm and picnic by the swings
These are now by gone things
For at the time I never knew that one day you would feel too grown up for the zoo
Our adventures have changed and my heart is heavy
For I watch you grow and I don’t feel ready
I try to persuade you to do things with me but you would rather have friends over for tea
But now and then I see a glimpse of that boy, the one who used to play with toys
You think I am boring but I’m doing my best
To be your friend still, you put me to the test
We I’ll soon be heading into the teenage years
which no doubt will cause me further tears
I will treasure our memories all the way through
For every stage is a blessing with you. So, don’t push me away, your silly old mum
I only want to have some fun
For one day you will realise that really it’s me.. the best friend you will ever have – you’ll see 💞 x
Rachael x
thepretendgrownup 